11 Personal Lessons I learned after Graduating
The real world isn’t a lecture class, it’s one whole big lab
Warning: I curse. A lot.
Unnecessary Intro:
It’s June again. The month I graduated in 2018. Funny ’cause just a few weeks ago, I was asked on a bus if I am a student (Is it because I’m short? I don’t know. Can somebody tell me what types of clothes do employed people wear?)
Wow. Has it been four years?!
I will never forget that day I saw my name in the official graduating list of 2018, alphabetically ranked 6th out of 13 hardworking folks. It’s fucking surreal. Almost magical.
Bitch, I made it.
At last, I am done with the all-nighters, solving Math shits with my CASIO fx-350ES PLUS Calcu (which isn’t even that cool enough for hardcore solving by the way, but I still managed to come through). Gone are the quizzes and exams I have tried to pass. Can I still remember anything? No. But I want to take note how it made me realized that hard work and discipline can be a powerful combo when you have a clear goal : to graduate on time.
The moment it was confirmed, I immediately went into my resume, then into Jobstreet, then missed my Baccalaureate to go file for SSS, PhilHealth, BIR, whatsoever after knowing that I landed a job even before the marching ceremony. I’ve completed my government numbers. The only thing missing until now is probably Passport(soon as I planned to emigrate after the Marcos win char), Philippine National ID and… *side by side glitter emoji* PRC.
Four Junes later, things didn’t go as smooth as planned. Aside from 3 tattoos, I have not made anything permanent for myself. Burnouts, impulsive decisions, no glow-ups, unlicensed, and, thanks to COVID, living under my father’s roof as of writing.
***Speaks to self***
But hey self, you’ve learned a lot and you’re still learning. Let me curate some of these outside-the-classroom lessons you “learned” along the way to keep your feeble-minded soul afloat and even more stupid in this “real” world:
***Still speaking to self****
- Shining in a different universe won’t make you less of a star.
While it’s easy and hard to compare yourself to others especially with your peers, I find solace in knowing that I chose the path I chose. I constantly find myself asking what if I took the boards after graduating like what everybody else did. Well, the road not taken isn’t perfect and the mere fact that I still have a handful of what-ifs is tiresome. But I shall be telling this with a sigh. I’m allowed to try and and figure out things on my own without following everyone’s route.
2. You don’t have to listen to what the world is saying.
Not claiming that I don’t take advice, of course I do. But sometimes, we pay so much attention to what the world is telling us to do that we forget to listen to our own voice. It’s okay to filter the counselling from the unsolicited life coaches you meet. I’m allowed to build a life for myself in whatever way I want to, choose the people I should seek advice from. Even if it will cost me so much questioning afterwards, I was the one who took full charge and it is all my responsibility. I don’t have to take advice from someone who is not living the life that I want.
3. Money isn’t everything, but it’s something.
As much as I don’t want to associate my aspiration for fulfilment with money and go full-time anti-capitalist, money is a must to have a life. You need to have a healthy life, but first, money. You need to have sane mind and see a therapist, but first, money. You need to survive, but first, money. I don’t have anyone to go to in case I go broke. Who’s my financial emergency contact? Literally, NO ONE. No fucking one. So it’s important to never reach a zero-balance point. Ever.
4. Own your grind but recognize thy privilege.
Surprise! The world isn’t fair. The trouble of not being born rich is that you have to work 3 or 4 times harder than those who were born wealthy. Someone from a prominent university can afford to go to a prominent university because of her well-off parents (DISCLAIMER : this is a case-to-case basis). And since this someone is from a prominent university, in the job market, she is preferred over a candidate who finished schooling in a community college. It’s what I call “continuous advantage”. You were born with enough privilege, so you advance earlier in life. And since you advanced earlier in life, you can afford to give your children quality education so that they can also advance earlier in life. And wait, we haven’t even mentioned how some people weren’t given the access to education at all.
I am never a privileged rich kid. No backups and I basically started from scratch. But I would not hesitate to admit that it’s not possible to land my current job if I don’t have a degree. And I would not have a degree if it wasn’t for my brother and so on. I am working my ass off to survive while supporting my family. I am not yet financially free. But I am acknowledging the fact that I would not enjoy some of the things I enjoy if the world is absolutely fair and equal. The same way that some people, including me, would have also enjoyed the things that other people are enjoying if the system is not rigged.
Taking risk, ladies and gentlemen, is not always affordable.
5. The universe don’t owe you anything
So childhood trauma is fucking real. Imposter syndrome is fucking real. I-am-so-tired-of-this-world is fucking real. Adulting shits are fucking real. Taxes are fucking real.
These, however, don’t mean that healing can be unreal though it can be a lifelong process. Every now and then, I go out from a dark pattern. Then after working my ass off from this dark place, one snap, I am back! Every time I trust the process, I feel like I am also repeatedly being betrayed. I am just a speck of dust, I know, but I am tirreeeedddd of this shit. Like, can we skip to the good part or something?
People will do us shit but won’t owe us shit. The ones who caused us this lifelong pain, unfortunately, would not do the chores in our lifelong healing. Moreover, I can take an honest look in my own contributions in the suffering without invalidating the struggles I went through. That can also mean contributing to the suffering of others in the past and not deserving forgiveness and/or closure.
Life can look like one big joke at some point. I’ve kind of accepted that sometimes, it’s just the way it is.
Sometimes, things don’t have to make complete sense. Sometimes, I don’t have to have answers. One of my favorite quotes is from Neil DeGrasse Tyson: “The universe is under no obligation to make sense to you.”
And so, I’ve been saying the phrase “Carry on” a little too often lately. That’s because life doesn’t have a rewind, pause, skip button and that’s the least I can do. Carry on. The things that used to matter so bad, would one day no longer be relevant.
6. Comfort zones are not comfortable
Clark, Pampanga means a lot to me. It’s my introduction to the real world. All my life, I felt like I am stuck in this house, in this town.
Most of my mistakes kicked off in Pampanga. Do I have regrets? None. I love my short-lived freedom there. There were so many firsts. If there is anything I regret, it’s that I wish could have done more.
Still working on abolishing my comfort zones. I’m still afraid of so many things. It’s okay to keep things cool until I’m ready, at my own pace.
7. It’s okay to ask for help
I’m a person who doesn’t like asking for help. I just don’t like the thought of owing someone something. The first thing I would think of after receiving help, is I have to repay it. Just like abolishing my comfort zones this is also something I am still trying to live by.
8. Boundaries can set you free
I am protecting my peace at all costs. No. Thank you, next.
9. The little material things are crucial + Privacy is fucking powerful
- Go buy that scented candle. Go collect CDs. I never realized I needed Lo-Fi until I found myself having difficulties in focusing. I never appreciated that coffee body scrub until I tried it. It’s sooooo good.
- Socmed can be so stupid. Doomscrolling will make it seem that you’re crashing into other people’s lives and not seeing the entire picture. So there’s no point in giving them your entire ice berg. Speak about politics or brag about a little reward. But keep your private life, *side by side glitter emoji* private.
10. Success is subjective
Money, as I was saying in Lesson #3 is something. Whether it be on a micro or macro level, everyone seems like they are wanting to be rich. After all, the reason why I aimed to finish schooling is to have a better shot at success. And success, involves possessing money. At least that’s how I used to see it.
The corporate world is one hot big mess. I never heard of the term “corporate slave” until I became one. You know how we were used to asked what we want to be when we grow up? So this is it. We grew up. Now what? What is this all about?
I still reflect on what I really want to be now that I’ve grown up. During college, things were tough but I kept on pushing. Simply because I have a concrete goal. Now what? What is this all about? (2)
The moment I earned money and afford the things I don’t used to have, that’s when I realized that money isn’t everything. I can go and try to hustle and set becoming a millionaire as my end goal. But that’s just not it for me. I’m pretty sure, that would not make happy by the least. I would still look for something beyond cash.
If you’re going to ask me now, I would want to keep myself financially stable but not overly rich. I’m happy owning a bike with no plans of having a car. I’m good with not having kids or not marrying, and I want to ensure a retirement plan. I’m okay about contributing to a team without having to be the boss. No titles, no professional salutation shits. I just want to secure my future while living a happy life and that would not necessarily mean I should have millions (though I would gladly accept you’re going to hand me a million now tbh).
Success for me is fulfilment. I aspire for fulfilment. This could mean leaving the corporate world to work with penguins and pandas. Or leaving everything behind to do social work in the mountains. Or pursuing street art. Or opening my own coffee shop. Or simply doing whatever I find meaningful, not worrying about a single thing.
Now that I have defined my own success, it wouldn’t be bad for me to start working on it.
11. Perfection is an asymptote
This is not really a post-graduation learning. I learned about asymptotes freshmen year in analytic geometry. I don’t remember the exact equation ’cause I never applied it in the groceries or at any real life events but the concept of a line(a curve) infinitely approaching another line(the asymptote) without touching it… that’s how perfection looks to me.
I may not meet my best self in this lifetime because I am a forever work in progress. Growing, evolving, learning and living with time. Instead, I’m looking forward to meeting different improved versions of my self along the way.
***continues speaking to self***
That’s just how life is. No diploma can testify it.
